![]() ![]() Bombshell loves diamonds and (faux) fur and long gloves and seduction. She wears thigh highs with a seam up the back and red lipstick. She is sultry and curvy and retro, full of class and a little sass. Bombshell is my inner Marilyn Monroe meets Joan Holloway. Russian spy would love to have a pair of devastating Louboutins and crotchless panties made of black lace. She has smoky eyes and hot lingerie under her leather pants and stilettos. She loves satin and silk and sexy clingy cotton nightgowns. She loves massages and deep, connected sex with lots of caressing and intimacy. I have several sexual personas that I love to play with in my mind.įor example, Lover Girl is sensual and loving. ![]() It’s not exactly like role-playing or cosplay (thought that stuff is awesome too, and it could definitely go there!), but more about figuring out an energy system around a sexual persona. The idea is that we can take on different internal personas that represent different facets of our sexual nature. Sexual Aesthetics and ArchetypesĪnother fun game I play with myself is based on the idea of “sexual archetypes” that I heard about on Sex Nerd Sandra’s podcast and LOVED. The mind is a very powerful sexual organ! Some things I have had a visceral “no!” reaction to, but thinking about “in what conditions could that be comfortable and hot?” has led to some fantastic fantasies and fun. All of it was in the spirit of exploration and adventure-figuring out what’s out there, suspending judgment, playing with the idea of it, and trying it on mentally, for size. In our more adventurous moments, my husband and I have visited the red light district in Bangkok, a sex club in our area, and a sexy boudoir-themed New Year’s Eve party in the city. I read Come as You Are and Mating in Captivity, The Ethical Slut, and much more. I also watch some porn and instructional videos made by porn stars. I read erotica collections, and romance novels, and I look at Tumblr. I listen to sex podcasts during my commute (including one by feminist sex workers), and then pursue things that I hear about that sound interesting. It involves proactively exposing myself to erotic things-and things that might be erotic. Otherwise I won’t give myself fantasy options to play with, and may cheat us out of some awesome hot times that could be edgy, affirming, loving, and completely consensual all at the same time. I had to give myself permission to be turned on by the things I am turned on by, and approach it with curiosity-even things that feel uncomfortable at first. ![]() She can be really loud, likes to kiss girls, and longs to know what it would feel like to be between two men (cops and helicopter pilots can come to the front of the line). My inner sex goddess is very femme, likes to be spanked sometimes, and talks dirty about what she wants. I have found that if I bring the full intensity of my feminist self to my fantasy life, that things record-scratch pretty fast. So I have found that the first step to cultivating a vibrant fantasy life involves suspending judgment of myself, and then playing with options. What you think turns you on, or what you think should turn you on, might not be what actually turns you on. Related Post How Sleeping With Other People Nearly Destroyed My Marriage… And Then Saved It What do I want? None of those things are as straightforward as they might seem. First you have to figure out what your fantasies are, and then you have to find a way to talk about them before you ever think about whether they can (or even should) become a reality. So my husband and I made a pact: Our marriage was going to be a place where fantasies come to live, not die. I definitely think back and wonder what exactly I was thinking when I didn’t enjoy my twenty-three-year-old body a bit more! While my first sexual partner (my long-term college boyfriend) was a generous and experienced lover who initiated me well, and while my husband is the most skilled, exciting, and creative lover I could possibly imagine, I came into our marriage with a lot of pent up fantasies, and a little bit of fear that I would never get to play them out. I didn’t explore all I could (and probably should) have before I got married. But while my husband cut a swath through his twenties and took a lot of chances to explore, I was very much concerned about being a “good girl,” and held on hard to the idea that sex should/needed to be an extension of love. Both my husband and I are highly sexual people, and luckily, we are well matched in that regard. ![]()
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